political pander panda

This election cycle, bruh.  SMH

So this #HillaryHotSauce debacle...listen.  Folks are tired of politicians pretending they're down like four flat tires, pandering to them leading up to the vote, then being all "New Phone, Who Dis" when they win the election.

This morning, while on her Award Minority Tour, Hillary Clinton went on The Breakfast Club to talk issues (read: try to get their young minority audience to stop hating her so much), and was asked to name something she always travels with.  Before Angela Yee could take a breath to qualify the statement, HRC replies "Hot Sauce."  While connecting it to Beyonce, the latest champion of Hot Sauce accessibility, Charlemagne warns her that by saying this, people are going to think she's pandering to the Black community.  She replies, "Is it working?"  
*blank stare*

And here we are.

Now, there are folks out here unearthing pre-"Formation" articles defending Hillary on her hot sauce affinity, and that's all good. But here's my deal: even if she honestly, truthfully does carry hot sauce in her bag for an immunity boost? ASKING IF YOUR PANDERING IS WORKING JUST SHOWED YOUR TRUE MOTIVE IN REVEALING SAID FACT. So in my opinion it's STILL an asshole move.  Especially since it comes on the heels of her PLAYING DOMINOES (girl...YOU DIDN'T EVEN WIN) dancing merengue terribly, and not to mention her (first time) appearances on Black Girls Rock and the Stellar Awards (...while saying all the wrong words).  Hillary is like the dude that only calls you when he wants some ass.  Sending "Hey stranger" texts at the eleventh hour to get their fix, but let you need something...psssh.
You getting that voicemail message boo.  
You texting into the ether.  
You. get. ghosted. 

Yes, all politicians pander, but HRC is being called out mostly because
#1--she unabashedly asked "is it working" today (lady, is you ignant?),
#2--because she flip-flops like she's got stock in Havianas,
#3--because she's so plastic and artificial with it. Bill played jazz on the sax on Arsenio because HE KNOWS HOW TO PLAY JAZZ ON THE SAX. Bill also actually, factually hung around Black folk throughout his entire life. So his pandering wasn't so much a *front* as it was a "lemme show you my hidden qualities and it's gonna be my ace in the hole." Hell, if Bill played dominoes on the campaign trail, I wouldn't look twice because I feel like that dude has played bones before. He's an honorary member of Phi Beta Sigma. He. knows. the. culture.

In contrast, Hillary-I-was-a-Goldwater-Girl-Rohdam-Clinton does not have the same exposure. She's faking it...badly. She worked with Marian Wright Edelman for a few years and thinks she is validated. The funniest thing about that is that Elder Edelman, in this interview was like "Nah, boo. You messed over us. We cool, but don't get it twisted, your policy views are problematic." So, the one stalwart in fighting for the Black community she has a legitimate attachment to can't even defend her political choices. That, to me, speaks to HRC's legitimate care/concern/investment in our community.  Her position with the Children's Defense Fund looks more like a stepping stone she used to get credibility with Black community leaders vs. her actually trying to help. Therefore, the Black people who are actually paying attention realize we can't trust her motives when it comes to us.

Last week, I asked if anyone wanted to collab on a parody remake of desiigner's "Panda" song as political commentary, yet no takers.  I wrote lyrics and errythang, and after the hot sauce foolishment, decided to add a new verse, and found this pic on twitter (@kissmyblackads).  The offer still stands.  Holla at me if you got the means to get this going. ;-) 

Image credit: Craig Brimm @Kissmyblackads

Image credit: Craig Brimm @Kissmyblackads

"Hillary Clinton...The Political Pander Panda"

I got campaigns in Atlanta
Gift to Southern states, like Santa
Me and my folk, all scammers
Hitting off licks in the bando
Female vote, pander
Black vote gotta go pander
Going out like I’m Montana
Hundred killers, and attack ads

Black women, pander
Latinos, pander
Pockets swole, Danny
Selling lies, candy
Man I'm the macho like Randy
Media get Oscar and Grammy
for helping me pull off the scammy
Hope you killas understand me

Pander...pander...pander pander pander pander panda

Got campaigns down in 'Bama
Hot sauce I carry, swagga
Me and Bill, livin lavish
Brand recognition advantage
Darkie vote, Pander
Dominicans, gotta go pander
Playing bones like I'm Santana
Merengue dance like a jackass

Minorities, pander
Latino, pander
Pockets swole, Danny
Telling lies, handy
Man I don't care bout'cho Granny
Bloggers get retweets and webbies
for helping me pull off the scammy
Know y'all niccas don't understand me

Pander...pander...pander pander pander pander panda