In Defense of the N-Word

(A version of this post first appeared on the citizen.education website.)

As our societal landscape has gone through shifts and changes over the centuries, the American people have slowly adjusted their public behaviors to reflect our progress. In the wake of anti bullying campaigns, language is being scrutinized more than ever and, in some cases, rightfully so. The schoolyard chant of “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me” has gone the way of the dinosaur, because with technology and social media being the major form of communication most young people use, words have indeed become weapons. Numerous schools are implementing new standards as to permissible behavior for it’s students, some even advocating for the “banning”of certain words. Within those standards, an argument to ban the n-word from all schools is a familiar and highly supported notion.

On the surface, it makes complete sense. The n-word, a word born out of pure ignorance and hate, has been used as a weapon to attack Black people since race-based slavery began on this continent 400 years ago. Earlier this year, I wrote about what it means when white people call us the n-word: “When white people say nigger, it’s saying ‘Black thing, you don’t belong.’ It is an attack on a Black person’s humanity, and not in a hyperbolic way. When white people call Black people nigger, it is their clarion call for Making America Great Again; That time where, less than 60 years ago, you could hang a Black body up in a tree just because you wanted to. For kicks, you could cut off their genitalia or cut out the baby growing inside them. You could take a picture of all this, and send it across the nation to your white relatives as a keepsake or as a postcard, inviting them to join you the next time. It was common practice. It was accepted. It was supported by law enforcement. It was encouraged and championed.” This, alone, is enough argument for us to regulate the word in every environment, ESPECIALLY schools. Young, malleable minds should never be encouraged to freely toss such venom around without consequence.

Yet, I still make an argument in DEFENSE of the n-word coming out of the mouths of Black people. Maybe not at school, of course—it’s akin to an expletive in that regard—but Black children who grow up in a culture where that word has been reclaimed, remixed, and repurposed for their personal use in their communities have the RIGHT to this kind of language. If we were to ban it from schools for EVERYONE, which means we end up punishing EVERYONE for saying it, we are being intellectually dishonest about the context and use of the word. This is a complete disservice to and highly disrespectful toward Black American culture. It erases the herculean feat Black people in this country have accomplished, by literally turning the singular word meant to destroy us into something we use on OUR terms. It also cripples children of other races; How are they to learn self control, common sense, and respect boundaries if the use and punishment for the word is equal among all children?

Author Ta-nehisi Coates brilliantly makes the point about context and relationship when we employ language: “Coates first pointed out that it is normal in our culture for some people or groups to use certain words that others can’t. For example, his wife calls him ‘honey’; it would not be acceptable, he said, for strange women to do the same. Similarly, his dad was known by his family back home as Billy — but it would be awkward for Coates to try to use that nickname for his father. ‘That’s because the relationship between myself and my dad is not the same as the relationship between my dad and his mother and his sisters who he grew up with,’ Coates said. ‘We understand that.’The same concept applies to different groups and their words. “My wife, with her girl friend, will use the word ‘bitch,’” Coates said. “I do not join in. You know what I’m saying? I don’t do that. I don’t do that. And perhaps more importantly, I don’t have a desire to do it.”

Therein lies the crux of the problem: the word itself really isn’t the issue, ladies and gentlemen. The issue is that white people DESIRE to say the word, and do not want to be told they can’t do something that Black people are allowed to do. ESPECIALLY if it’s something they created to hurt us, then we flipped the script and empowered ourselves with it, and now THEY are punished for using it.

People also love to prop up rap music and hip-hop as the evergreen, overpowering force that makes the n-word fly recklessly from the mouths of non-Black people. Just a few weeks ago, consistently problematic Latina actress Gina Rodriguez was a twitter trending topic, stemming from her use of the n-word while singing along to a Lauryn Hill verse on her IG Live video. The actress apologized, but a debate began about how Latino people should be given a pass because they are also a minority, and it’s ok for non-Black minorities to say it, ESPECIALLY if it was part of a song. I don’t know about you dear reader, but I grew up on hip-hop, even though my mother was never a fan of the language. Throughout the entirety of my hip-hop life, EVEN INTO ADULTHOOD, I have managed to recite hundreds of verses while self-censoring every curse word and n-word around her. Why? Because I respect my mother. I know these words—no matter what *I* mean by them—make her uncomfortable. So, I actively choose NOT to say them when I am in her presence. Are we expected to believe white people and non-Black people of color lack the ability to do the same? That their comprehension of context is inferior? That their multitasking skills are sup-par? If we choose to ban the word for everyone, just because white and non-Black people can’t control themselves, hey—it’s a fair claim.

In his interview, Coates makes another great point: “The question one must ask is why so many white people have difficulty extending things that are basic laws of how human beings interact to Black people.” Maybe it is because they don’t respect Black people’s right to set boundaries; Maybe it’s because they don’t respect Black people’s right to exist differently or Black people’s ability to do something they cannot. Maybe it’s because they don’t respect Black people’s right to be human. THIS is where schools need to start attacking and unpacking the issue. The problem isn’t the word, it’s the people who want to say the word when they know they shouldn’t. That should be the measuring stick schools use when choosing punishments for the offense. Blanket protocols and guidelines do not work to solve the real problem. Yes, the n-word should be banned from use by certain people; Yes, certain people should be punished for using the word; Those people, however, are not Black.

When They Call You Nigger

(A version of this post first appeared on the citizen.education website.)

Corinne Magoveny Terrone, calling a Black man nigger in front of small children.

Despite the fact that they’ve benefitted from white supremacy and systemic racism for the past 400 years, navigating through life with the assistance of privilege and power, white people are STILL MAD about Black people who dare to walk around freely existing as human beings in this country. Still. STILL. How do we know they’re mad? They demonstrate it daily when they choose to take on the behavior of their forefathers and call Black people niggers. Our latest example (of MANY) hails from the northeastern state of Connecticut, where they vote blue but think red. (You didn’t think racism stopped above the Mason-Dixon line…did you?)

Corinne Magoveny Terrone, a former employee of Hamden Public Schools, was caught on camera unleashing a racist tirade at a Black man and Black woman in an East Haven, CT grocery store the evening of Friday March 15th. According to the 911 call she placed (you already KNEW that was coming…even though SHE was the attacker…), Magoveny Terrone stated: “The man in his little, um, scooter said, ‘Are you talking to me bitch?’ And I said, ‘No nigger, I’m not’ because he called me a bitch, I called him a nigger, then he continued to get up and threaten me, so there was spitting going back and forth. He spit on the back of me and I am pressing charges.”

However various videos of the incident, which pick up in the middle of the altercation, tell a much clearer story. The videos start with Magoveny Terrone being plainly heard over all other noise calling the man “motherfucker,” and shouting about he and his companion being “…niggers that’s why, they’re fucking niggers in East Haven…” Here, the man starts walking toward the supermarket supremacist, amid the other customers chants of “noooo, don’t do it…” imploring him to stand down. As his female companion attempts to hold him back from approaching the racist, Cocky Corinne begins taunting the man by saying “…put your hands on me, come on, put them on me…” and then engages in the highly disrespectful act of spitting at the man. It is unclear if the “back and forth” she referenced in her 911 call actually occurred, but from the video it seems she was the first and only spitter.

The internet wasted no time in finding out Magoveny Terrone’s identity and place of employment, and by Saturday morning, she had “resigned” from her post, amid the investigation. It was also reported that the Department of Children and Families had to be called, since her two small children were witness to the incident. The DCF released a statement, saying “The Department does investigate reports that a parent or other person responsible for a child’s care is acting erratically or in an impaired fashion that puts a child’s safety at risk or is injurious to their well-being.”

So…let’s unpack this.

On a Friday night, while doing something as innocuous as grocery shopping, a white woman got agitated/irritated/disgusted enough with the presence of Black people in her town and grocery store to call them what is universally accepted as literally the worst thing a white person can call a Black person. This act of aggression was performed publicly, numerous times, in front of her (and other people’s) children, while she was well aware she was being recorded, and after numerous people tried to diffuse and deescalate the situation. At this point, any and every notion of her “getting caught up in the moment” or “not being able to control herself” should be abandoned. Why? Because she meant that shit.

White people know EXACTLY what they’re doing when they call a Black person nigger. They not only know the history and power of the word, they know the vitriol and venom it contains. They say it when they mean “I’m better than you.” It’s their favorite synonym for “You are less than human.” They whip it out whenever they want to remind Black people “We once OWNED you, RAPED you, and KILLED you AT WILL with NO REPERCUSSIONS!” When white people say nigger, it’s saying “Black thing, you don’t belong.” It is an attack on a Black person’s humanity, and not in a hyperbolic way. When white people call Black people nigger, it is their clarion call for Making America Great Again; That time where, less than 60 years ago, you could hang a Black body up in a tree just because you wanted to. For kicks, you could cut off their genitalia or cut out the baby growing inside them. You could take a picture of all this, and send it across the nation to your white relatives as a keepsake or as a postcard, inviting them to join you the next time. It was common practice. It was accepted. It was supported by law enforcement. It was encouraged and championed. And when a white person hurls the word nigger at a Black person in the year of our Lord 2019, it is demonstrative of their innate desire to go back to the days where Black people were disposable commodities and white people were the only “people”. When they call you nigger, they mean to strip you of your worth. Thankfully with video evidence, numerous witnesses, and the self-snitching she employed, the only thing getting stripped in Connecticut is Corinne Magoveny Terrone’s job and earning potential.

Little White Lies vs. ACTUAL WHITE LIES

(A version of this post first appeared on the citizen.education website.)

Maryland State Delegate Mary Ann Lisanti (D)

Hard truth: lying is a part of being human. Big lies, small lies, lies of commission and omission; If there is one thing you can count on human beings to do at least once in their lives, it’s lie. Whether it be a lie to spare someone’s feelings, like the ones you tell at office pot lucks (You know damn well you’re not gonna try Brenda’s nasty looking crock pot surprise, so telling her you’re “on a cleanse” is just easier), or a lie to make something more appealing (Telling people Brenda’s dish was SOOOO GOOOOD last time you had it—which was never), or even a lie to avoid getting caught in a previous lie (YES you ARE still on a cleanse, you’re taking the cupcake hidden under this napkin HOME to your KID…), most people consider the majority of lies they tell harmless or benign, which is why they call them “white lies.” White denotes purity, therefore a white lie must be something pure in intention; innocent; meant to help and not harm.

Then we have actual white lies: the lies white people tell to excuse their racism and bigotry. From Virginia Governor Ralph Northam and his “it wasn’t me in that picture” (after first apologizing for being in the picture, but ok), to newly minted dummy of the day Del. Mary Ann Lisanti, white people can come up with some WHOPPERS when faced with the label of “racist.” Lisanti is the latest casualty of the True Colors Shining Through epidemic, after a colleague reported that she used disparaging language to describe the majority Black county of Prince George’s, Maryland. According to reports, Miss Mary Ann told her white colleague that when he campaigned in Prince George’s on behalf of a candidate last fall he was door-knocking in a “n----- district.” When first questioned on the accusation, she acquired situational amnesia (a frequent symptom of the TCST epidemic) and stated “I don’t recall that. . . . I don’t recall much of that evening.” Later, when asked if she’d ever used the n-word, Lisanti went with “I’m sure I have. . . . I’m sure everyone has used it. I’ve used the f-word. I used the Lord’s name in vain.” However when witnesses came forward, she firmly stated her white lie. Mary Ann Lisanti, a Democratic Lawmaker in the state of Maryland, released a statement to the American public, in the year of our Lord, two thousand and nineteen, that read in part: “I am sickened that a word that is not in my vocabulary came out of my mouth. It does not represent my belief system, my life’s work or what is my heart.”
A word…that is not in her vocabulary….came out of her mouth. Like, involuntarily.

Ok.

Now, look—I don’t claim, to have knowledge of every miracle, medical wonder, or inexplicable phenomenon to have ever occurred, but I’m fairly confident that words don’t just emanate from the larynx unassisted by the brain. Especially words like nigger. Especially words like nigger, when referencing Black people. ESPECIALLY words like nigger, when referencing Black people, from an American White person. For instance, I don’t know the French word for ugly. It’s literally NOT in my VOCABULARY,

 therefore I have not, do not, and probably will not ever use it to describe ugly things. (I just looked it up though, and it’s “laid”—which now makes me question if every time someone said “your hair is LAID” it actually meant my hair looked like trash…but I digress.) Yet when you use a word in proper context and common definition, it is safe to say the word is definitely within your vocabulary.

Mary Ann, why you lying? WHY? Just say you didn’t mean to speak in such an ugly way. Say that you apparently have inherent biases that prevent you from being objective when it comes to Black people. Blame it on your privileged and prejudiced upbringing. Blame it on your parents using the word around you growing up. Blame it on the rain. Blame it on the a-a-a-a-a-alcohol. But this whole invasion of the bodysnatchers routine is for the birds, as are most actual white lies. Reason being? Actual White lies are easy to spot. They require such a Herculean suspension of disbelief that the most common reaction to hearing them, across multiple demographics, is “bitch, please.” Actual white lies want us to disassociate with our own life experiences and believe in fantasies, fallacies, and fictional fuckery. They are not just an insult to human intelligence they are, themselves, just…dumb. Literally without intellectual content or logical thought. As are the people that tell them.

As of this writing, it has been reported that Lisanti was stripped of her leadership role on an unemployment subcommittee, and will attend sensitivity training for the offense. I wonder if the training will be run by a young priest and an old priest? Maybe Lorraine Warren, famed Connecticut paranormal investigator (and the lady from “The Conjuring”) will make the trip down to the DMV? No matter who facilitates it, I fear whatever possessed Mary Ann and forced her to say words that “aren’t in her vocabulary” won’t be exorcised. Some believe you have to call a demon by it’s name in order to cast it out—but as long as White people continue to tell these actual white lies? Racism and bigotry are here to stay.

for white women who consider commenting when being quiet is ENUF

(A version of this post first appeared on the citizen.education website.)

Oh boy. Another well meaning white woman has placed her pretty, porcelain-toned foot in her mouth again. And…it’s one I actually like. Help, Fatha. *facepalm*

Bette Midler, who has earned much deserved praise for being a national theatre treasure and a sassy-as-can-be critic of Mango Mussolini, committed a giant misstep last night when she resurrected Yoko Ono’s 1969 trash-ass quote “Woman is the ni**er of the World.” I could write 5,674 paragraphs on how this is one of the most asinine, offensive comparisons ever made, but I’mma save my breath.  Because it doesn’t make a difference. Because when Yoko Ono got flamed for it back then, she and John Lennon just doubled down and made a SONG out of the s#!t three years later. Yes, Beatle John Lennon. Yes, “Imagine” John Lennon. Let’s face it: No matter their race, most (if not ALL) of our faves are problematic AF.

Bette wandered into this minefield while attempting to make a point about the blatant disrespect and oppression women across the planet have experienced, in light of the travesty happening on the hill re: Brett Kavanaugh. Her tweet went on to say: “Raped, beaten, enslaved (‘scuse me? Um…I’m still trying to figure out what woman of European background was “enslaved”, but I’mma let you finish), married off, worked like dumb animals; denied education and inheritance (or reparations…but go ‘head….); enduring the pain and danger of childbirth (Black women 3-4 times MORESO than any other race of women, but still…keep on talking…) and life IN SILENCE for THOUSANDS of years[.] They are the most disrespected creatures on earth [sic].”

People came in hot and fast, letting Ms. Bette know she was on that bullshit. Did she stop, *slide biggity bounce* pause, *shiggity wash it twerk it* and look at God, while contemplating why she was wrong?(My Louisiana people know that reference.) Nah, not at first. She did what any self-righteous tweeter in 2018 does when they are called out: made the situation worse by trying to explain why they were indeed, right the first time. Her follow up tweet read: “I gather I have offended many by my last tweet. ‘Women are the…etc’ is a quote from Yoko Ono from 1972, which I never forgot. It rang true then, and it rings true today, whether you like it or not (ORLY BISH?!?!). This is not about race, this is about the status of women; THEIR HISTORY."

Bette. Ma’am. How you gon’ say something *isn’t* about race when CLEARLY you used race as a descriptor in trying to emphasize and support your claim?!? That’s not how this works. THAT’S NOT HOW ANY OF THIS WORKS.  Folks tried again to help her, some even pointing out the obvious, that BLACK WOMEN ACTUALLY STILL EXIST (therefore this wrongheaded comparison shouldn’t…), but good ol’ Bette wasn’t having it. Mama's talkin' loud. Mama's doin' fine. Mama's gettin' hot. Mama's goin' stong.

Next, she tweeted a snippet of Jane Mayer and Ronan Farrow’s New Yorker article detailing the humiliation of Kavanaugh supporter and subject of lascivious limericks, Renate Dolphin, captioned: “SEE WHAT I MEAN??” No Bette. We don’t see it. You know what we see? “From a distance, you look like my friend”, but lady we just cannot comprehend WHY YOU WON’T STOP AND LISTEN TO WHAT WE ARE SAYING! Is the wind beneath your wings that hazy and dense?

After HOURS of people attempting to explain why the FIRST tweet was inappropriate, the SECOND tweet was unacceptable, and the THIRD tweet was damn near abominable, Bette offered this olive branch, in hopes of correcting her course: “The too brief investigation of allegations against Kavanaugh infuriated me. Angrily I tweeted w/o thinking my choice of words would be enraging to black women who doubly suffer, both by being women and by being black. I am an ally and stand with you; always have. And I apologize.”

Now, because I am a reasonable person, and tend to take people at their word (when they don’t have a track record of being completely obtuse), I accept Ms. Midler’s apology. I realize that she is a woman of a certain age, who may or may not be well versed in how to conduct herself on social media with the caution and care necessary in today’s reactionary times. (Bette wasn’t ready for the furor that is Black twitter, y’all. They have #Canceled her…even though 65% of them didn’t even know who she was in the first place TO cancel. LMAO) Look—we’re human. We make mistakes. And the most accurate measure of a person’s maturity and willingness to learn is their being able to admit said mistakes and earnestly apologizing for them (even if it takes a few hundred tweets explaining why you’re wrong, and a few hours for the realization to kick in…*sigh*). Bette’s past actions and commentary lead me to believe she is a genuine ally to minorities, who deserves a second chance. She earnestly didn’t know why she was wrong. Now she does. Let’s move forward…but keep this in her file for reference. *side eye*

As a hardline, general rule? White women, lissen. Listen to me. Please.
Don’t you EVA *clap* NOT *clap* NEVA *clap clap clap* compare yourselves to another marginalized group in order to prove you’re oppressed. There is ENOUGH injustice to go around, and we don’t need qualifiers. Y’all are still #2 on the totem pole of world domination, and at least 53% of you in this country are fighting tooth and nail to maintain said position. Yes, women are ABSOLUTELY being maltreated in every corner of the globe. But what we’re NOT finna do is act like being considered a “ni**er” AND a woman isn’t a herculean load to carry for BLACK WOMEN. The irony of saying and thinking people treat “ni**ers” SO bad in this country, that women can be classified as “the ni**ers of the WORLD” isn’t lost on me. The problem is, ni**ers are still treated as ni**ers all over the world too, madam. Whether YOU like it or not, the oppression olympics is one contest you will never win.

Rose, the iconic character Bette portrayed in the musical “Gypsy,” laments in her final number: “Why did I do it? What did it get me?” I hope Ms. Midler is somewhere reflecting on this faux pas and pledging to do better in the future, and that white women who claim to be allies use this as a cautionary tale. Yes, you have every right to lament about your oppression, just not at the expense of other people who have it as bad as, if not WORSE than you. Measure your words carefully, and proceed with caution. Phone a minority friend before you tweet if necessary. Be thoughtful, not harmful. If you choose otherwise, we’ll all be singing another line from that song: “Thanks a lot and out with the garbage.”